UBERGALAXY

Hello, Sarkozy!

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 14:37:00 +0000

A Montreal radio station, CKOI, has successfully prank called Sarah Palin last week. The station's comedy group, called the Masked Avengers, pretended to be French president Nicolas Sarkozy.

The phony Sarkozy talked with Palin about Cheney's hunting accident, sex with his wife, calls the porno Nalin' Paylin and 'edgy' documentary, and names several French celebrities as being Canadian politicians.

Throughout the entire interview, Palin naively gushes about how much she loves France and coyly suggests she is considering running for president in 2012.

Here is the recording of the prank call:

Omitted from the clip? After the prank was over, comedian Marc-Antoine Audette quips, "I hope we won't have a one-way ticket to Guantanamo Bay."

Big money!

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 01:18:00 +0000

Neatorama asks:

What do you think of the bailout failure and what it may mean to you? Are you fearful for your economic future? Is it because of the failure of the bailout or something far more fundamental?

The thread has procured some interesting comments, which I'm sure will only grow.

Neatorama also reported a few days ago that the new CEO of Washington Mutual, who took the job a mere 17 days before the bank went belly-up, is now eligible for $19 million in compensation.

A corporate bailout would have further rewarded such CEOs - new or otherwise - that were affected by banks and investment firms failing at an alarming rate.

A bailout of these institutions most certainly compensate these same companies who offered illogical sub-prime mortgages and other high-risk investments.

I am the first to admit that I am not a financial genius, and there is a lot I don't know about market fluctuation. I have RRSPs, but they involve extremely low-risk investments. I don't get the highest return, but dammit, it's stable and virtually guaranteed.

When I was first taking out these RRSPs, I spoke to an investment agent with my bank over the phone. He was urging higher-risk investments in stocks, rather than a steadfast GIC. He argued that since I'm young, I could recover the money if it was lost through my employment. Although over the phone, his pitch was high-pressure. It's this kind of high pressure for riskier investments that have put so many people in trouble in the first place.

Sure, people with more financial liquidity can afford to lose money on market ventures, but people like me, who's $1600 of hard-earned cash was being squirreled away in GICs, that was a lot to lose. Unfortunately, with the credit crunch, so many people were coaxed into high-risk investments that could potentially offer high returns. But so many of those precarious investments dissolved with the market's collapse. The burst of the housing bubble is the tip of the iceberg.

The fact is, its disgusting that millionaire CEO's are being compensated and bailed out for making decisions for their investors that they themselves cannot understand the financial implications of. However difficult it may seem, the market needs to correct itself over time with its own market forces in play. The proposed $700 billion bailout would only truly compensate those at the reins of companies that jeopardized the market and its investors in the first place.

The fact that Alan Fishman and his colleagues are being financially compensated while WaMu's investors go without is appalling. So many people who have had their finances tied up in these banks will see not one red cent, while its corporate heads - who undoubtedly make hefty salaries in their privileged positions as it is, are bailed out. As if they need bailing out! Allow me to play the saddest song on the world's smallest violin, as we all shed a single tear for the corporate CEOs of the world.

Those CEOs will easily find employment again - with their experience and education, they can do whatever they want, never mind their equity!

What about ordinary people? What about the folks who've lost their houses and their livelihoods, and cannot afford the cost of job retraining? What about the children of parents who've lost everything?

Bailouts for the Allan Fishmans of the world is a million kinds of wrong - thank goodness that the powers that be voted it down today.

The forces that Adam Smith detailed are real, and are a far better correcter of market forces than any corporate bailout ever will be. Which is not to say that the road will be easy - far from it! - but at least the corporate honchos that got us there in the first place won't be rewarded for it.

Lest we forget

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 00:49:00 +0000

This morning Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister of Canada, effectively dissolved Parliament and called an election for October 14. The move was expected this week. Harper's intentions to bully Parliament into an unwanted election were clear as of last fall. This week, Harper's Conservative had already begun campaigning, running shmaltzy ads like this:

Stephen Harper cares about veterans. You can tell because of the soft piano music and the down-home armchair. Apparently you can be meaningful about anything if you wear a sweater vest and lean forward earnestly in an armchair with your elbows on your knees.

Never mind that Harper announced last week that the Conservative government will compensate Canadian veterans who took part in nuclear weapons testing with a paltry $24,000 each. Soldiers who are already deceased will have the money gone towards their estate or surviving family.

Reports the CBC:

Alberta resident Jim Huntley, a spokesman for the Canadian Atomic Veterans Association, said the group wasn't notified about the announcement. The compensation package is insufficient, he said.

"It's not enough. I'm not saying not enough for me. It's not enough for these widows. We've had people that have died 30 years ago from cancer."

The compensation is in recognition of about 900 Canadian soldiers who between 1946 and 1958 were exposed to radiation while witnessing atmospheric nuclear weapons tests, and while cleaning two nuclear reactor accidents at Chalk River. The Atomic Veterans Association of Canada says less than 50 percent of those exposed are alive today, and those surviving members have experienced a variety of illnesses, as well as passing on genetic mutations and other illnesses to their children.

Fifty years of suffering and illness spanning generations cannot be compensated at any price. Regardless of your opinion on the military and its role, I'm sure most will agree those 900 soldiers were exposed because they were following orders, and likely didn't know what they were getting into until it was too late. The $24,000 offered for each individual exposed is not only insulting, it likely doesn't cover the cost of treatments and medications required following exposure in many cases, never mind the cost of a funeral.

The compensation was announced September 2, the same week it was leaked that Harper was to order a fall election. The same week that the sappy veteran ad aired, as well. Compensation may not have been announced at all, if it weren't for the election call.

Desperately, Harper is trying to curry the favour of veterans, knowing full well that the elderly vote in record numbers. Except veterans are increasingly younger, since the Conservatives have been sending troupes to Afghanistan since the US waded into the middle east.

Today, three more Canadians, killed in Afghanistan, were repatriated to C.F.B. Trenton. And, just this morning, Sgt. Scott Shipway was killed in Afghanistan, just days before he was due to return home from his second tour of duty.

The silver-haired veteran is becoming less frequent, as they continue to succumb to age, and younger Canadians continue to be shipped-out to battle zones, many triggered by US invasions in the name of the war on terror. You have Stephen Harper to thank for continuing to extend Canadian missions in the tumultuous Middle East.

With the meager compensation package offered, coupled with the increasingly unpopular war in Afghanistan; a snap election call that the average Canadian agrees is neither desired or necessary; and stack that against Harper's faux-sentimental advertising... what to you get?

Aggressive campaigning, as the parties scramble to encourage an increasingly apathetic public to vote at all. And yes, that includes the coveted veteran.

Construction: you're doing it wrong

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:12:00 +0000

The government of Saskatchewan is under fire for waiting 15 hours before notifying the public of a prison break. Six men escaped from Regina Correctional Centre on Sunday night, but the public wasn't informed until Monday. One of the inmates has been caught, but the other five are still at large and considered dangerous and possibly armed.

Says the CBC news website:

With the Trans-Canada Highway nearby, police acknowledge that the inmates could have travelled far in the hours since their escape.

"We've got a pretty big country. They could be just about anywhere," said RCMP Sgt. Doug Coleman.

Wow! thanks, RCMP! What else can you tell us, CBC?

Sources told CBC News that the men escaped by pulling a vent off a wall, crawling into it and then kicking their way through an exterior brick wall. The brick wall did not have any reinforced concrete or rebar.

Apparently you can escape prison in Regina by just kicking down walls. Thank goodness the builders of the facility cut corners, keeping that pesky, reinforcing rebar out of the way. Boy, do I feel safe now!

It doesn't help matters that at least four of the men are charged with violent crimes: one is doing time for murder, while three others are doing time for attempted murder in connection with a home invasion.

But, wait! There's more: In the past 10 years there have been at least four other break-outs at Regina Correctional Centre. In an escape in 2003, inmates escaped by digging a hole through the roof of an auditorium. In a separate escape, two prisoners escaped by "clawing their way through a brick shower room wall," says the CBC.

Not only can you kick walls in, you can claw through them like Play-Doh. Either offenders in Saskatchewan are all miraculously strong, or the prison is build out of sticks and leaves.

I think we all learned about the importance of building materials at an early age. Most of us can quickly deduce from the Three Little Pigs that a good foundation and strong walls can keep bad stuff in as well as out. Apparently someone needs to read the Saskatchewan government a bedtime story to refresh their memories.

Cat eats spaghetti

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 02:17:00 +0000

What's ailing the auto industry

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 15:39:00 +0000

General Motors, along with Ford and Chrysler, is floundering. The big three North American auto makers are now sinking ships, while Americans and Canadians alike are snapping up smaller, more fuel-efficient vehicles made by European and Asian manufacturers.

Honda was the only manufacturer in America to report record sales this year. And Toyota announced it can't keep up with consumer demand for its hybrid, Prius. Car rental companies say the demand for compact cars is soaring, and full-sized models are left sitting in the lot.

It's no secret that people are leaning towards more fuel efficient vehicles. The change didn't happen overnight. The price of gas has been steadily creeping up, and coupled with a growing awareness of environmental issues in general, people are looking to save money and cut emissions wherever they can.

Meanwhile, the "big three" have been rolling out SUV after SUV, and scratch their heads when the gas-guzzlers don't sell. The truth is this ship has been sinking for years. Production plants in the US and Canada have been cutting shifts, and GM announced recently the huge plant in Oshawa would close by the end of 2009. Oshawa is poised to become Canada's Detroit: turning into a virtual economic ghost-town once the city's biggest employer packed its bags.

The Canadian government has been criticized for failing to make the province of Ontario more business-friendly. The Federal Finance Minister, Jim Flaherty, has gone on record as saying that Ontario is not conducive to big-business, because taxes are too high. This left the opposition screaming foul, saying Flaherty single-handedly convinced GM and other manufactures to pack-up and leave. That would be an easy solution, but the writing has been on the wall for some time.

First off, the very cars that GM makes are problematic. They aren't selling, and the company is losing money. So it's closing its truck plants. Part of the problem is supply-and-demand, but that's not the whole story, either.

One could argue that GM's unionized employees have unionized themselves out of a job. The fact is, while unions are beneficial in protecting employee rights and offering job security, they can also go too far. Too much job security, and wages through the roof, the company simply can't keep up. GM is closing its Oshawa plant, but it's reopening the plant in Mexico, where wages are far lower. It's a shrewd move, and while it may not be right to exploit a workforce that's hungry for jobs and cheaper to employ, it is a reality. And when the American auto industry is going belly-up, it is an attractive job market to tap into.

But unions aren't wholly to blame, either. The problem originates with the companies themveles, and their failure to adapt to a growing and evolving market. GM could be a leader if it got on board the green wagon and realized what consumers are asking for. It could have created a hybrid vehicle, or at least a more fuel efficient one. And we're not talking hybrid SUVs, people.

While gas is high in North America now, it has been much higher in Europe and Asia for years. And, seeing the trend unfold, auto makers have responded with smaller, more efficient vehicles. Smaller because the lighter weight means less fuel burned, and smaller because more and more people are realizing they don't need an SUV if they have no children and live in a condo in the city. I can understand a larger vehicle if you have more than two children in the house to transport. But since most families are having fewer children, if they're breeding at all, why the larger vehicles? Not everyone has a job that requires a truck to haul supplies.

There have been plenty of warning signs leading up to this point for America's auto makers. Environmental issues are at the forefront of people's minds. Money is tight as the economy is slowing in Canada, and gasping for breath in America. People are making shrewd financial choices for themselves, and those choices don't include Ford's Explorers or GM's lumbering Hummers. But American manufactures have been staying the course for so long, it is coming back and biting them in the ass now. And the amazing thing is, some people continue to be surprised by it all.

What surprises me is that GM claims it actually has a bidder for its Hummer SUV line. Apparently, someone out there is still interested in flogging a dead horse, even when that horse has been dead so long, you're insane not to notice the smell.

Now that is what is truly shocking.

Summer round-up

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:49:00 +0000

Here in Canada the Legislature is adjourned for the summer, but will resume in August. Of course, there is still plenty of news in the world to relish. That being said, here are a few tidbits that I've missed:

Conrad Black denied an appeal
I can't tell you how delighted I was to hear Black's request for an appeal was shot down. The man's continued sense of self-entitlement and unwavering selfishness knows no bounds. You cheated your own shareholders out of $32 million! A report on your fraud in 2003 accused described the racket run by you and your colleagues as a "corporate kleptocracy!" [Hint: "klepto" means to steal, Mr. Black! Surely a man named Conrad knows a bit of Latin?]

Your greed is amazing, and your commitment to your innocence - despite the glaring evidence that resulted in your conviction - is baffling. So stay in jail, and serve as a warning to other corporate assholes, who think that they are above the law when it comes to dipping into company coffers for personal affairs.

Stephane Dion announces carbon tax plan, dubbed Green Shift
The plan was unveiled with much fanfare, and the members of the other Canadian political parties rolled their eyes. For different reasons. The Green Party said it wasn't green enough. The NDP said it didn't do enough to help the middle- and lower-income Canadians. The Conservatives said it would harm business and further discourage business in the country.

The Liberals, well, it was their plan. They thought it was totally awesome! For the record, David Suzuki supported the Green Shift plan on national television, so that certainly helps the Liberals' cause. Suzuki endorsements are gold! That doesn't mean it's not flawless, however. Even David acknowledges that it isn't perfect, but it's a good step in the right direction. Environmentalists don't often say that about political plans. Too bad Stephane Dion has all the leadership qualities of a dishrag, and his plan will never see the light of day.

Tim Hortons' PR nightmare

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Sat, 10 May 2008 22:20:00 +0000

On Wednesday, a Tim Hortons employee gave a timbit to the fussy toddler of a customer. The iconic donut chain was busy, and the child was crying, holding up the line and stressing out it's mother, no doubt. So Nicole Lilliman thought nothing of popping one of the little, bite-sized donut balls into the cranky kid's paws. The child nibbled away, the mother placed her order, and went on her merry way.

Later that day, however Lilliman was fired by her manager for the giveaway. Turns out that giving free food is contrary to Tim Hortons' policy. Lilliman, a single mother of four, was terminated immediately.

Trying to keep her job, she offered to pay the 16 cents that the tiny donut bite was worth. The timbits can be sold individually for that amount, or in boxes of 20 for about two dollars. But no, the boss wasn't having any of it, and Lilliman was canned.

That is, until the media got wind of the story. By Wednesday evening, Tim Hortons' managers were flustered themselves - yes, perhaps a timbit would have helped them relax. Wringing their hands and red-faced with apologies, Lilliman was rehired at Tim Hortons, effective immediately.

"It was the unfortunate action of one manager who unfortunately made an overzealous decision, and thankfully we were able to rectify the situation," said company spokeswoman Rachel Douglas.

Insult to injury? Day-old timbits are often given away to patrons' dogs. Double insult to injury: anyone who's bought a box of 20 or 40 timbits can attest that there is often at least one extra timbit thrown into the equation, free of charge.

Sudden transit strike cripples Toronto

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 14:39:00 +0000

The TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) is on strike as of midnight last night. Toronto is Canada's largest city, and the city has been involved with contract negotiations for the past month or so with TTC union reps. A tentative deal was struck this week, but was voted down by union members on Friday.

Rather than give the public 48 hours notice as initially promised, bus drivers kicked everyone off their buses, streetcars, and subways at midnight, regardless of where said vehicles were.

The TTC had little public support during the whole negotiation process - workers make roughly $50,000 annually, which is more than any other public transit employees in the region. Now, forcing people off their service, stranding thousands of people mid-commute, has cost the TTC any remaining public support it had previously mustered.

So what are Toronto residents doing about it? Well, there's an influx of cars and bicycles on the roads, and taxi drivers are in their own little version of heaven. Realistically, not everyone can afford taxi rides. Nor is it realistic for everyone to walk or bike to where they need to go, be it because of distance, lack of resources, or physical constitution.

Officials for the city and union like are are remaining extremely tight-lipped on the whole process, giving riders no clue when service may resume, and holding the city hostage. It's Saturday morning, and the city is experiencing gridlock, while others are simply stranded.

Personally? I can bike to work come Monday, but my roommate is screwed.

How the mighty have fallen

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 22:28:00 +0000

Prison time is likely unavoidable for Napoleonic media baron Conrad Black. Black will probably serve his six-and-a-half year sentence at a minimum-security prison in Florida. Meanwhile, he still maintains the allegations that defrauded Hollinger Inc. shareholders are false, and continues to assert his innocence.

Media reports suggest he'll probably serve at the Coleman Federal Correction Complex in central Florida. The prison's website says that its minimum security wing is "Actively hiring," and that the "location is in urgent need of correctional officers to fill vacant positions." Yes, really.

A friend of Conrad Black said that his biggest fear about his sentence is that he will grow bored behind bars.

Really? This coming from a man who owns a mansion on the Florida coast, among other properties. This, from a man known for his extravagant lifestyle, where he and his family are often depicted, if not seen, wallowing in luxury. There were even rumours that he'd throw a lavish going-away party of sorts for himself this weekend, but those haven't been confirmed.

Come Monday, he'll be in a cell the size of his pantry (not that he's ever gone in there - he has people for that). Not to mention his roommate, a common criminal! He probably won't even have a yacht! The two will be wearing the same prison threads and sharing a common toilet. I bet Conrad doesn't poop for a week - the stress of boredom will be so great.

Dion remains flakey

noreply@blogger.com (VB) — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 14:25:00 +0000

The Conservative government yesterday confirmed that it will extend the Canadian mission in Afghanistan until 2011. Harper is doing so in a confidence motion that won't be voted on until March. While Liberal leader Stéphane Dion doesn't seem to be willing to compromise on the Afghan mission, he didn't speculate on the possibility of an early election, either.

Probably because he knows he wouldn't win, if an election were held.

The Harper government continues to bait the opposition, making a tough anti-crime bill a confidence issue, as well.

In the sidelines, Dion wrings his hands, knowing an election would mean certain death for him as Liberal leader. While Dion is technically in a position of power, able to force an election at any time, he in fact holds no power, because Harper is increasingly popular, for reasons I don't understand.

Perhaps it is a charismatic problem. A recent study found that while Canadians don't feel Stephen Harper is a charismatic leader, Dion is even worse, personality-wise.

I don't even think it is a language issue: Jean Chretien had a horrible French accent when he spoke English, and often didn't make sense, or his point was lost. But at least Chretien stuck to his guns. Meanwhile, Dion has no apparent backbone and waffles on issues in a voice that could best be described as a French-Canadian Kermit the frog.

So, Harper is free to trounce the official opposition, holding all the cards despite holding a minority government - a position which theoretically should have him walking on political eggshells. But no, his best bet is to continue to bully the opposition, baiting them while passing ridiculous legislation he claims Canadians want. He's free to say what he likes, because Canadians would rather vote for a Conservative with backbone than a Liberal with the personality of a dishrag.